My New Year's Resolutions

Part of the attraction of moving to Asia was to get to do things I had never done before and over the last 18 months I‘ve done a pretty good job. I’ve eaten new foods, traveled to new places, lived in a high rise apartment, surfed, and so on. In keeping with this thought, my eleven resolutions for 2011 are all things I have never resolved to do before:

1. Wear more mini skirts. I’m not getting any younger and there comes an age where a woman in a miniskirt is just sad.

2. Look good in a bikini. Sorry, Little Debbie, you’re not my bff anymore.

3. I will not pray in anger in 2011. I’ve always believed in having a completely open and honest relationship with God. As such, when I pray it’s no-holds-barred, spare-no-detail, no-filters- allowed praying. I figure He knows what’s really in my heart already so there isn’t any point in trying to sugar coat things. But I’m starting to think I’ve taken things a little too far because when I pray in anger I find that I have to do a follow up prayer to apologize for all the non-good things I’ve said. All of this results in me feeling guilty for double dipping on the praying and monopolizing God’s time. It’s exhausting.

4. Mend fences as soon as they are broken even if I’m not the one who broke said fence. And I’m usually not.

5. Eat more bacon. Except for resolutions 1 and 2, there is not a single good reason not to.

6. Sing out loud more often. But not in public or where other people can hear me.

7. Watch more trashy television. My life has a lot of meaning so my T.V. doesn’t have to.

8. Stop being so cheap. I mean frugal. I mean financially responsible. I’m not going to waste money but I’m not going to worry about it anymore.

9. Give up any and all mom guilt. I think all moms should join me in this one.

10. Dress better. I’ve always said that I would be the perfect candidate for What Not to Wear but since Stacy and Clinton haven’t ambushed me yet, I’ll just have to take matters into my own hands. This resolution is made possible by resolution #8.

11. Learn more about transvestites. These people represent a whole segment of humanity that I’m completely clueless about and oddly interested in.

2011 just may be the first year I actually keep my resolutions.